Many of us struggle with unresolved relational conflicts. There is a path of reconciliation and peace laid out in God’s word. Learn what forgiveness really is and how to apply it to circumstances of conflict.

Print the PDF resources here for: 3 Step to Peace.

First Base…Forgiveness

Diagram of the three kinds of peace

Forgiveness is a legally binding transaction where one surrenders the right to collect on a debt.

“Forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors” – Matthew 6:13

Aphiemi = “to send away from”

Opheilema = “debts”

1. Forgiveness is giving up the legal right to collect on an account of sin.

We all get even, some actively, some passively.

2. Forgiveness is BUSINESS, not emotions.

3. Forgiveness is for guilty people.

Who are we to judge?

4. Forgiveness is toward GOD first.

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your transgressions.” Mark. 11:25

“Do not take your own revenge beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans. 12:19

5. Forgiveness is an act of obedience to God.

I am to forgive because I have been forgiven.

“And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. So shall my heavenly Father do also to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from his heart.” Matthew 18: 34-35

Second Base….Self Control

A look at the diagram of three kinds of peace again

Three beliefs regarding self control

1. No Control. Others are responsible for my emotions. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” – Ephesians 4:26. This does not mean, “Do not let the sun go down on your argument.”

2. Natural control. I control myself.

Means of Suppression

A. Mind control.

B. Hiding one emotion under another

C. Anaesthetizing

3. Spiritual control. God controlling me.

Three Principles of Spiritual Control

1. The principle of dedication.

Spiritual self-control requires an ongoing submission of my emotions to God.

“Offer yourselves to God and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness…For sin shall not be master.” – Romans 6:13-14

2. The principle of empowerment.

“Let all anger ….be put away from you”. Ephesians 4:31 (NASB)

‘Let’…my responsibility

‘Be put away’…God’s responsibility

3. The principle of persistence.

Every time I feel the anger I need to pray. A typical prayer is: “Lord, take my anger and, give me peace.” I Thessalonians 5:17

Third Base….Making Peace

A look at the diagram of three kinds of peace again

1. Transacting forgiveness with another person is a command of God.

“If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.” – Matthew 5:23-24

“If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” – Matthew 18:15

Forgiveness is a gracious gift. See Ephesians 4:32

Charizomai = “to grace towards” or, “to offer a gift of grace.”

2. Forgiveness requires a mutual agreement

“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” – Luke 17:3

It is not biblical to unilaterally give forgiveness!

Why a mutual agreement?

It allows people to be accountable moral agents.

It safeguards the sanctity of forgiveness.

3. Forgiveness is to be transacted in private.

4. When asked to forgive, I must forgive.

5. If the other person refuses to transact, I must continue to show the grace of love.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbour, and hate your enemy, but I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:43-44