Self Esteem – Pursuing Wisdom

In this seminar we examine the scriptural teaching concerning self esteem. The issues of guilt, shame, inadequacy, and failure are addressed. We explore a path of recovery and a balanced view of self, learning that God is at work in our lives to restore the glory.

Find the PDF worksheet here: Self Esteem

Definition of self-esteem

It is feeling good about oneself.
It is the sum of a set of judgments about one’s value, worthiness, and competence in various domains.
In short, it is thinking well about oneself.

The two key questions in judging me:

Who is the expert?
What is the standard?

Another Definition of Self-esteem

“Self-esteem is seeing yourself as God sees you. Nothing more and nothing less.” Josh McDowell

The Rise of Humanistic Psychology (circa 1960)

Abraham Maslow

the self-actualizing person
the hierarchy of needs

Carl Rogers

people are basically good
self-concept is crucial

The Opinion Research Centre reported:

“By a 4 to 1 ratio, Americans now believe that human nature is fundamentally good, as opposed to fundamentally corrupt.”

In 1930’, only 9% of people agreed with the statement, “I am an important person.”

By the mid 80’s, greater than 50% agreed with the statement.

The number of people who rate having good self-esteem as very important: 85%

The number of people who rate self esteem as not important: 0%

SELF MATTERS by Dr. Phillip McGraw Ph.D. (Over 2 million sold)

This book is Dr. Phil’s contribution to the issue of self esteem.

Quotes are taken from his book and Biblical references are given in Bold.

“Subtitle– Creating your life from the inside out”

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)

“The good news is that the only person we need to fix all of this is you.” – Page 21

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36)

“This is a book about how to take control of your entire life. The control I’m talking about is a control that comes from reconnecting with what I call your authentic self.” – Page 9

The mind set on the flesh is death; the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6)

“Because you felt so good about yourself, because you felt self-determined and in control, you couldn’t care less what others thought about you. It was you that mattered, not in a selfish way, but in a confident way. Without judgment, you were proud of yourself and walked in a sense of pride and self-assurance. You weren’t sure what the future would bring, but you were sure you could handle it. Self-acceptance was the foundation of the happiest time in your life and it was the engine that powered the train.” – Page 10

The joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10)

“I am talking about the feeling of confidence that comes from self-trust; the calm assurance that you experience when you know that you have the courage to be who you really are and to be there for yourself when it really counts.” – Page 11

We —put no confidence in the flesh. Philippians 3:3

“You cannot hide from nor exceed the boundaries imposed by what you believe you ‘know’ about yourself on the inside.” – Page 23

To him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:19)

“Your self-concept moves up and down a continuum anchored on one end by an authentic self image (who you were created to be), and on the other by a fictional and distorted self-image (who the world has told you to be)” – Page 24

By the grace of God, I am who I am (1 Corinthians 15:10)

“I will also lead you through the steps necessary to reconstruct your authentic self-concept in a way to insure your success.” – Page 24

Be careful to obey all the law—that you may be successful wherever you go (Joshua 1:7)

“Not living faithfully to your authentic self creates a void, an ever-present feeling that you are incomplete. —-You may try to fill that hole in any number of ways.” – Page 31

–And to know this love (the love of Christ), that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19)

“There could be no greater stress than that generated by denying the authentic self.” – Page 33

If you do not believe that I am the one, you will indeed die in your sins (John 8:24)

“Empowerment is the ability to distill the life force to a single focus.” – Page 34

But you will receive power when the Holy spirit comes on you (Acts 1:8)

“Fact: Every one of us, you included, has within us everything we will ever need to be, and have any thing and everything we will ever want and need.” – Page 41

Apart from me, you can do nothing (John 15:5)

“You are going to learn that the quality of your life didn’t just happen: it is, instead, ultimately a product of your choices you have made, both internally and externally. That means that whether you knew it or not, you have had, and will always have, a tremendous power to determine your life”. – Page 58

He—works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Ephesians 1:11)

“There is a truth and clarity that is available to you, but it can only come from getting real about you and ultimately reconnecting with your authentic self, so that you can make yourself the star in your own life.” – Page 59

So that in everything He (Jesus) might have the supremacy (Colossians 1:18)

“Let this book serve as your map, your guide for cleaning up your personal truth and self-concept.” – Page 60

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalms 119:105)

Secular Objections

1. Lack of evidence

Wall Street Journal, April 18, 2003
California Task Force
The London School of Economics Report

2. Who determines the ideal for which we should strive?

3. Individualism promotes self-indulgence

The only question that matters is, “Am I living in a way which is deeply satisfying to me and which truly expresses me?” – Carl Rogers

4. Failure to appreciate the reality of the human capacity for evil

Weak Influences on Self concept

Minority ethnic community
Gender
Socio-economic position
Physical appearance

Strong Influences on Self esteem

Performance
Genetics
Parenting
The “S” factor

The issue of Nature / Genetics

Passive vs. aggressive
Pleasure driven vs. success driven

The issue of Nurture / Parenting

The sacred trust is to represent God to the child (Matthew 18:5)

3. There are tragic consequences to abuse (Matthew 18:6-14)

4. The Heavenly Father has special care for abused children.

I am who I am in my father’s eyes

Part Two: The Christian Model for Self –esteem

Prayer to My Authentic Self

My Authentic Self, who is in me Highly esteemed

be My name; My kingdom come,

My will be done,

Here and everywhere I am.

I will be self reliant today.

I forgive myself, and might

Forgive others, if it feels right.

I will look out for self at all times

For Mine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory forever.

Amen

“Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”

Jesus, age 12

A spiritual hierarchy of needs in the Lord’s Prayer

Our Father who art in heaven = Personhood

Hallowed be thy name = God esteem (Identity through relationship: The most important thing is not self promotion, but rather God worship. It is not my greatness that gives me my identity, but rather the greatness of my God.)

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done = Purpose (Purpose follows identity)

Give us this day our daily bread = Provision (Empowerment follows purpose)

Forgive us… as we forgive = Peace with God (Moral accountability)

Lead us not… deliver us from evil = Protection (Spiritual warfare)

The Glory Story

We were made to be glorious (Psalms 8:3-8)

2. The glory was marred by sin, the “S” factor, and shame resulted (Romans 3:23)

Glory is the sense that something is what it is meant to be.
Shame is the sense that something is not what it is meant to be.

3. Man’s attempt to restore the glory: pride and self-exaltation

“They became vain in their imaginations” Romans 1:21

“People accept more responsibility for good deeds than bad, and for successes than failures.”

“Most people see themselves as better than average.”

Psychology text: David G Myers

4. The glory is restored in Christ